Remembering who I am

Well I have had a hard time still remembering who I am. Im not talking about being a mom or wife. I am trying to remember who I am as an individual. It is very hard to get time for me. I try in the evenings and I will catch up on shows or read or do my nails. I dont remember what I did before I was a wife or mother. I dont regret being any  of those I love it and feel like it was what I was suppose to do. What I am talking about is meeting with friends without kids or getting my hair done and nails and shopping by myself. I miss spoiling myself lol... I know my kids come first and I have no problem with that. In fact when I shop I always shop for them I love spoiling my kids like I was when I was young. I am trying to find a babysitter that lives close but having a hard time trusting anyone. I kinda miss being me, again I love my kids. I am trying to find a balance so there is still a me and I dont let me go and than when kids are in I dont know what or who I am. I was wondering if anyone could share advise on how they dont forget about themselves while being a wife and mother? Well kids are awake now so back to the duties lol

Time Change

So my daily routine usually start at 5-530 am. I wake up and workout for either 30-60min depends on what I feel like than I enjoy my coffee or get ready for the day than enjoy my coffee!!! Well since the time change I havent got to work out and my body is so confused. Im so tired and not in the mood to do anything. It doesnt help that I get up and my children are up shortly after. I have tried to let them go to bed late and tried to move dinner back before this time change. I thought I was going to beat it this year instead I feel like I went 20 steps back lol. Kids are cranky Im cranky its been a long week and its on wed!!! Thankfully hubby has friday off  for veterans  day so maybe we can try together to get this family back to our routine. My girl thrive when we are on a routine. Im not a mom where exactly at 12 oclock we eat lunch n u better be asleep by 1. I am flexible because not everyday is the same. Dinner is really the only thing that stays on time 530-6 which follows bath, pick up time and reading than a movie for bed time. The rest of the day is basic stuff but still routine when nap time is cause they get cranky around the same time everyday I just dont have breakfast and lunch  or snacks all at the same time. Or when play time outside is or craft time. I know I am probably totally off subject here its early and my mind is doing its racing for the morning. Sorry so back to time change exactly why do we have to do this we just get use to the time to change to to lose sleep its a crazy cycle that Im beginning to think I will never understand or have the hand up on... well until next time lol mommy out lol

Sat night

Well today was a good day. I got up before my daughter and got to have the house to myself. I read the new Tori Spelling book (which is really addicting gossip but not lol) in peace and quite, no child yelling, dogs fighting or tv on. I miss the schedule me and my daughter was on. She wouldnt get up until 8 am and I would get up and shower and get ready at 630 and have time to myself. Now I just want to sleep since I dont get much at night now. I dont remember being this tired in the last trimester with my daughter. I guess that happens with running around and not being able to break whenever and nap! I got my carpets cleaned today I love the kirby sweeper its awesome I feel like our home is clean now. Well besides when i let the dogs in, this red dirt down south sucks. I never thought it would make such a mess in the house. I can sweep the tile floors all day long and its still dirty. I really miss our old life in PA. Well I mean I still want the new baby and all that I guess I just miss the place. I have always lived up north and thought the south would be nice and so did my husband. Well we are finding out quick that its not what we thought it would be at all. We miss the mountains, and fall was our favorite season, leaves changing, cooler weather, fire pits, and football ofcourse. Well I dont think we will have any of that down here, besides FOOTBALL!!!  Im really starting to miss home today. Its more because my grandpa that I am very close with is going down hill with cancer pretty fast. We dont know how long he has and the doctor really doesnt want me traveling. She didnt say no,but just weighed the risks for us. My husband is trying to save up time at work for when the baby comes incase there is unexpected emergency and he needs to take some time. We dont have family or friends around here that we can ask to help. The only bad thign about being so far away but good at the same time lol. Plus my cousin that I am really close to is pregnant too and she is moving into her first house together with her boyfriend and I miss her a lot. We are so close and she was getting close to my daughter and we are both having little girls and I want them to grow up together and know each other, and I want to spoil her daughter like she has mine ( good and bad) I really miss my husband too. Since he is on third shift we dont really get to spend a lot of time together. He tries to stay up wo spend time with us on the weekends when he doesnt have to work (which he doenst get paid for, downside to salary) which i love but sometimes sucks cause hes tired so hes cranky. I never thought sleeping alone every night and not seeing him would be so hard. Its more like having a room mate. At first I liked it cause I was taking really good care of myself and didnt feel bad that when lexi (my daughter) went to bed I went and took a hot bath relaxed and pampered myself. When hes home I tried to spend time with him, so this was different thought I would like it more. The newness has worne off lol.  So I guess Im getting to that emotional state in my pregnancy, everything is so depressing some days and some days im on cloud nine.
The good thing that has happened to me the last few days is that I have started a plan for me. I want a chanellnge for me in life. I mean being a mother is a reward, but I want something that I can achieve in a different way. I made a list of things I want to do in life. Not like a bucket list, but things that I have wanted to accomplish before I was married and some now that I am married and a mother. So that has put me in a good mood when I work on that. Plus the other good thing is that right now is nite nite time and my daughter is cuddling with me on the couch. I love these moments in the day, she is growing so fast, and now with another one coming I dont want to lose these moments with her or let her forget these either. Might sound crazy but I never want any of my kids to ever forget that I love them and want to cuddle with them. I want the loving kids lol, I know you cant choose them but I want to make them that way lol. Well I think I have said enough for today, and I really want to just cuddle now and love on her. Who knew you could love someone like this right, being a mother is AWESOME!!!

Coupons

I am trying really hard to do this coupon thing. Where I shop they only take one coupon per item. I have  been reading blogs and researching but never seem to get very far. I dont really wana buy coupons I feel like Im not getting the coupons I would really us for the money i spent on them. I have been instead reading blogs or websites on how to use products I have a t my house to do  cleaning and misc things. Trying to save these cleaning products are intense. The main things that I cant find a substitute for is my granite counter tops and hard wood floors. I want my floors to shine and be protected and there isnt much cheap or make ur own products lol as well as for my counter tops. I hae found a lot of useful tips for my dishwasher,bathroom,laundry. I also have this laundry detergent I use that I only have to buy once maybe twice out of the whole year and there is 4 of us and I can use it in my front loaders. Well I need to get to dinner leftovers tonight!!! If u have any tips please let me know...

im back

Well its been awhile cause we have finally moved again  n both girls had tubes put in there ears.Its been crazy round here. Finally get back to a routine and finally feeling normal again. Trying to gear up for the holiday season that is about to begin. I know a lot of people have already began shopping or are finished. Well I tried again this year to start ahead and failed. I cant keep the presents hidden. I need to shop for them andhave someone else hold them! I give n nd give them, I am horrible bout this I cant help it. I just love when i find the perfect gift and I cant hold it in. im so proud that i kept it a secert and i just want to see there face when they open it. So last min shopping for me again maybe one day i will learn.
Trying to get use to the idea that we wont be moving in  a year (god willing)  is hard to do. I always put things off to deep clean cause we have never been in a house for very long and it was nver mie. I know that makes mesound horrible i cared what our rentals looked like but neer cared to wash walls n wash woodwork all the time. I got my fridge  and washer  dryer set I have been wanting forever thanks to my hubby. Hoping he gets me an ipad for my bday\xmas since our daughter tooks almost all the keys off out laptop,so hard to type. Well I am goin to try to be better and blog more gotta run now fixing something new for dnner

WANT

I really want things to end and start again. I want my hubby to find a better job that he is happy bout. I also want my grandpa to either get better or be in no more pain. I dont want him to die I just dont like that he is in so much pain. This isnt my grandpa at all, I hate that I cant be there for my mother either. Being so far away stinks so much, I mean dont get me wrong I love that I we are away we work as a family so much better than we are in around old friends n family back home. I want this baby to come out too, well I want her to be healthy and come out when she needs to but she is making life so hard for me right now. My 1st child never ever made me this uncomfy, the baby gets in these weird places and doenst move and she HATES HATES when I lie down. I mean I have to lie down on my side nt my back but she hates it, so i have to lie down at this angle that sucks its more like sitting up. I know I wont get more sleep when shes here but atleast I know I could find a comfy spot lol. Plus I want a dog that comes already trained! My hubbys dog just got up on the couch and peed everywhere. He has been doing so good so I made he suffer outside today and he wil come in when i go to bed so im sure tom he will punish me for that but I dont really care I dont think I can look at him right now. I havent had any sleep in the last day or so n either has my daughter so its a cranky house and that is the last thing that I wana deal with. My daughter and I are tired of each other lol. Im ready for some sleep cause I need to get a few more things done tom and shop for some new clothes for her. I have to get things ready so if my grandpa passes soon I am not stressing on getting things ready fo rus to leave. I know that it wont be good to deal with and having a 13-14 hour drive in being this far preggers isnt a good thing. There isnt a lot of hospitals on the way home lol. Well I think that is all I am going to write tonight i am going to try and get my daughter to sleep so I can go take a long bath and go to bed so excited for it lol...

Another Day down

Ok so last night I spent an hour writing on here and it got lost right as im posting it!!! Yes it took that long cause I had the little one besides me and she was cuddling so much I couldnt just keep typing away!!! So here I am trying again. Its been a long day for me we didnt have cable cause of the stupid company!!! I didnt realize how much we depended on the DVR and cable all together. I have a routine down pretty good with my baby. So when it came nap time and no mickey mouse clubhouse it was hard to get her to lay down with me. It was so quite in our house today too without the tv. If we arent watching a show for down time than its on the music channel. We dont have a radio I usually use the computer but my husband had used it and it was on our room. If I go in there during the day it has to be when hes up or the little ones down. She follows me and wakes the hubby up! So we did a lot of playing and my bum is sore, n back hurts from being on the floor so much today. I think the teething is back again, she has been cutting teeth either 4 or 6 at a time and she hasnt had any come thru n a couple weeks (heaven) so now the cranky baby is back. I hate it cause its so hard to please her, I try to keep in mind that she is in pain but sometimes i just cant keep it together without loosing it. I try to be the best mom I can be but some days are better than others. Plus being preggers doesnt help with no sleep and a cranky baby. I know I try not to use this as my excuse but some days its true. I would NEVER EVER hurt my child. I just walk away and try to breathe which by the way really doesnt work all that well. I just try to read my book to distract myself or I will just ignore her and go to the bathroom to vent. I hate days like that I live for the good days with my daughter, which in turn gets me thru the bad days. I love her so much, its crazy to think how old she is now and how I feel like tomorrow I will be dropping her off to school. Everyone I know has someone they are letting go for the first time and it is starting to scare me. I will miss her so much. I am so thankful and lucky to be able to stay home with my children. Its such a blessing, but I dread the time I have to let them go. I can not home school them I cant teach like that Ive tried so that idea is gone and I cant stay with her forever. I dont know why I am freaking out I have 3-4 years!!! I just hate how fast they go by, even though I want them to so this next baby is out of me lol. I miss being able to look good in clothes its been forever for me it seems. Well at least with this pregnancy I havent eaten everything in site! I have been very good plus keeping up with a toddler and trying to eat everything just doesnt happen. Well its getting late here and i really need to get some sleep since the little ones down and Miss Emma (new baby) is settling down too, I need to take advantage!!!